a successful failure

Well in the good spirit of things, I continue to attempt to jinx Arsenal by providing a running commentary to the Arsenal-Everton match, much like if my name were Derek Rae or Tommy Smyth. Expect to see a few more boob jokes tho. That being said, only the second half of commentary will follow as I was in hangover self defense mode by gorging my face with all the fattiest foods I could muster up. I’m gonna give you a better perspective on this match, unless your name is Gary and you’re seeing it live.

Half – Running thru some highlights now, and of course it would not be complete without a Cesc brick. He continues to show how it is possible to feature in just about every game this season, score himself a brace in the very first one and not find net in billions of matches afterwards.

One of those commercials just came up on the FSC with those two toolbags wearing a Chelsea shirt and a Liverpool shirt. Why the fuck do they do a show together? I hope no one watches it and their families spurn them. Cock gobblers.

GAME ON

46 – Some convincing play as Arsenal put some pressure on. No shot, but it looked pretty. Like the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. Looks nice, but no shot.

47 – Gallas down but not out. Theres no way that wasn’t a dive.

48 – It’s a freakin game of pinball here. Boy I bet Gary’s enjoyin himself.

50 – Well, one half of the Eastern European wrecking machine is running around like a maniac. Tomas is ripping this up. He looked very Ljungberg-like, but no goals yet.

52 – Soooooo close. Aliadiere was all but sprung and lecott made a goal saving interception from Baptista. Just the tip, that’s all we need.

55 – something strikes me as being very very odd about Abou’s ears. For some reason when I look at him I picture Flava Flav. Someone give that man a gigantic clock.

 

58 – This is why I don’t take back all the bad things about Aliadiere. Some fantastic work from the Czech mark and abou goes to waste, other than that defender being terribly embarrassed after finding the ball behind him by passage of his legs.

60 – There goes Toure dribbling at someone like his jersey says Walcott on the back of it. Ran fast, lost the ball even faster..

62 – Abou is chumpin bitches left and right. Disgusting. Andy Johnson just showed why he yoyos between being on Lions and not by breaking thru with incredibly pace then taking a horrible fuckin angle and having the mental capacity to make the terrible decision to shoot.

64 – Almost a fight between Leon Osman and Jens Lehmann. I wonder who would win that one….

65 – More of the same. Abou embarrasses another Toffee, but his play is spoiled by a poor touch from Aliadiere. The other half of the Eastern European wrecking crew is up and geared to go.

68 – Baptista looks like he wants to eat a person. I think he’s trying to decide between Yobo and Lescott right now. Off comes the Czech mark, on comes the Belabruiser

70 – HOYTE! Fighting off the advances of those men in the showers has paid off! He almost gets tackled but quickly balances himself before the soap hits the ground!

71 – Uh oh… he just turned 18 and he’s running about. Make way Aliadiere… I hope

73 – Be still my throbbing heart. Osman hits the woodwork on what was very sloppy play all around. If that resulted in a goal, there is no God.

74 – If this game were played in a dense fog, Andy Johnson would be invisible. You would only notice a parting of the clouds as he ran thru. Aliadiere off, Theo on.

77 - I do like seeing Cesc take shots. Sort of.

77 still – The Belabruiser attempts to spring…. Gallas?

78 – wow, Toure turned AJ at his own will. Threw him to the ground in the process too. Quite manly.

81 - Vaughan apparently upset. He went against the “no hard checking of players instead of going for the ball” rule.

84 – It looks like the average age of the players is about to take another nosedive with Denilson now coming on for the beast. He looks famished, he should go eat a baby.

86 – Vaughan kinda looks like a douche. If I saw him at a party, I would avoid talking to people near him.

87 – Theo hits the deck gripping his shoulder. This is why that is bad.

89 – Jens keeps us goalless with a saving fall

90 – Andy Johnson makes the breakthrough and throws himself into a mob of the home fans. Very sloppy looking, but well earned and well struck.

That’s the match, and I finally succeeded in jinxing arsenal. Now, it’s time to go home and sabotage my bracket. Well, to be fair, my bracket was sabotaged from the moment I picked Winthrop into the elite eight over Wisconsin.